Top Ten Rules for Super Bowl Sunday

superbowlSome things are pretty basic and elemental. I give you Exhibit A: Super Bowl Sunday:

  1. You never put the television on until the actual kickoff. Never.
  2. You cook chili in advance. It’s not really Super Bowl Sunday without chili.
  3. You take the dog out in advance so he’s all set and can comfortably sneak some grub when people are in the kitchen getting more refreshments. Dogs. Love. Super Bowl. Sunday. Period.
  4. Oh, and chips. Non-GMO chips, thank you.
  5. Did I mention sour cream and guacamole? The best commercial, after all, is about an avocado (“The First Draft Ever”).
  6. Thanks to Thomas Edison’s invention of the DVR, you can make bathroom runs during commercials and jump back to see if you missed anything (chances are, you didn’t).
  7. Halftime is the perfect time to dish up dessert, check e-mail, go outside and watch falling stars, you name it. All halftime shows are lame. L-A-M-E. It doesn’t matter who they hire.
  8. You root for your conference’s team (NFC or AFC). The only exception to this rule is if a regional team, which happens to be your second favorite after your lifelong team, gets in. Thus, I (a Packers fan living in New England) will break my NFC allegiance today to cheer on the Patriots, my second-favorite team after Green Bay.
  9. Try not to comment on the relative merits and weaknesses of people from work who are winning all the money in the square-grid pool. For example, no saying out loud, “Gary from accounting just won the first quarter? That bleep?”
  10. If your team wins, it’s OK to treat yourself to some trash talk online. If not, go to bed already. There’s work in the morning and you’ll need an extra long shower to wake up. Too bad Super Bowls aren’t on Saturdays, right?

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